this is my life

location: MY HOUSE

mood: blah

music: SILENCE IS GOLDEN ON LONELY NIGHTS

OKAY SO THE MONTH OF MAY SUCKED BIG BALLZ. THERE ARE TIMES THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. THINGS HAVE BEEN SUCKEY. 

IT STARTED OUT GOOD, UNTIL THE 6TH. I WAS PREGNANT 5 MONTHS TO BE EXACT. WE WENT IN FOR THE ULTRASOUND AND IN STEAD OF ITS A....... WE GOT "GET THE DOCTOR IN HERE NOW. WE ARE SORRY MR AND MRS KELLY BUT THE BABY IS NOT GOING TO MAKE IT. HIS HEART IS STOPING." SO I WAS SENT HOME TO PACK MY BAGS TO DELIVER A BABY THAT WOULDNT CRY. THAT SUCKED SO BAD. THE NEXT MORNING WE WENT AND I GOT INDUCED. I WAS INDUCED AT 10 AM ON THE 7TH AND I HAD HIM ON THE 8TH AT 5:45 MAM. HE WAS SO SWEET HE HAD THE BIGGEST SMILE ON HIS SWEET FACE. HIS HAND WAS ABOUT THE SIZE OF MY PINKI NAIL. HE WEIGHED IN AT 2 OZ AND WAS 5.25 INCHES LONG. WHEN I WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL I WAS SENT HOME WITH A KEEPSAKE BOX WITH ONLY A FEW OF HIS BLANKETS AND HIS HOSPITAL BAND AND A FEW MORE ITEMS. AND AS I WAS GETTING READY TO GET IN THE VAN HERE COMES A NEW MOMMY WITH HER BABY. I BROKE DOWN. DIDNT THE NURSE KNOW THAT I COULDNT LEAVE WITH MY BABY, I HAD TO LEAVE HIM THERE ALL BY HIMSELF WITHOUT HIS MOMMY WHILE THIS BITCH GETS TO GO HOME WITH HER BABY. I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE MAD AT HER BUT WHAT THE FUCK YOU KNOW. ALL I WANTED WAS TO TAKE MY AARON LEE HOME TOO. WELL I GUESS IN SOME SENSE I GOT TO TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME, I GOT A BOX OF HIS MEMORIES.
WE HAD HIS FUNERAL ON THE 14TH. IT WAS A REALLY GOOD FUNERAL. WE HAD A FEW FRIENDS SPEACK AND JOSH AND I TOLD OUR SON HOW MUCH WE LOVED HIM. I WAS SURPRISED THAT I DIDNT GO CRAZY WALKING INTO THE FUNERAL HOME AND SEEING HIS TINY URN ON THE TABLE. GRRRR. I WISH HE WAS HERE. 

BUT YEAH THAT WAS MY MONTH OF MAY. I KNOW THIS IS JULY BUT I MISS HIM SO MUCH HE IS A LITTLE OVER A MONTH NOW. AND I STILL HAVE THOSE NIGHTS WHERE I CANT SLEEP. 

BUT I AM GOING TO GET OFF FOR NOW. TALK TOY OU ALL LATER. 
ME